************************************** **********************

this flesh


this flesh is just
temporal, nothing of it lasting
and the "i" inside the outer casing
is not this Body, these
unruly curls

i ask my self what you'll remember
when up in ashes
it goes

and even the many, many places,
the faces of lovers, or rocks of collection,
the nouns and impermanents of my association,
know me not by these either,
ever-changing also

but perhaps by some Energetic Shift in your mind
or your heart, a swerve
or a Golden Mean spiral
like the curve you hold fast to, eludes as you drive it
speeding to-ward
your own destination,
an undulating kindness just beyond your fingers' reaches,
the width of the highway as you plow through a rainbow,
a black-clouded monsoon in the middle of mid-day that
casts aspersions in a wily, good-natured kind(a) way--

like a grin breaking out on your face in the swelter,
that's how I ask you
to remember,

if ever



******************************************************


Walkabout


She walks among the Natural Order,
out-of-doors, no sandals (o, no sage,
no prophet,
merely meekly woman,
some observer, ((merely girl in ways)),
who in her heart sees contradictions none
between
the holy scripture of N. Tesla & Lord Tennyson)--

then smiles and dispels the myths once known that Shone,
aspirations falsely flickered as they followed their own flow,
the Ones who traveled on, who left behind

the she of me,
embraced by many, rarely ever Held--

so walks the Natural Order,
the white rhythm of the daystar,
when speaking is a deadened tongue
(all promises lost lustre)
bare feet wear smoothe
the broken shards
of womanhood, the barbs, the heart,
seeks Grail of her own blood, unscathed at last,
long parched

so Self, when recognized,
is drenched, renewed



so Self, when stumbled on

may come

to pass.



************************************************************


with a cobblestoned exhalation


with a cobblestoned exhalation,
I
took the midnight water taxi
out
from Lido,
(Venetian cousin
where
pink rhymes reside)


and aboard that junk,
the engine & my blood wound loud
POUND * KLUNK in-time,
Adriatic's
stinging salt
spray-ing
my faults, resigned--


** grave groan guttural **
(that boat and I, consorting
on the paint-chipped gulf)
while
rocking, wily arms
(like yours) :
some careless half-toss, half-embrace

pitched all my senses ground-ward
toward the pier's fierce face. --

to-face
the plaza of St. Mark, I stormed

the late-night empty space, laid waste with traceless foot-fall,
thousand fractured psalms.

O,
Your Face!, a shameless ricochet
off columns
wrought by Constantine
(loomed darkly
d i s e m b o d i e d
in my
vestiges).


--So I took communion at
the stagnant channels black.--


And I
tautened tight
the slack of
throat-knots by
the Bridge of Sighs,
availed
to ailing, greasy-grinned
beneath the lunar spite.


Pausing, prone beneath the amber grace of tungsten might,

your last words to me
splayed sainthood so supine--...

so I forged
myself the lover
of No Living Man /,

my loin's constellations
laid before
the Lion's den.


And
with cobblestone exhalation, R O A R E D
my every bruise a black or white,
waged Wings

as Casanova's concubine.


*************************************************************


Beyond the Blind


How dare I stoop to think that You might live
Breath-bound in servitude, to only serve
My every hope or wish, to only give
Until desire expired, endured no more?

So, too, the Land and all its meek and wild
Great lineage of rock & fern & beast
Supply beyond exhaust, then silent fall
Beyond the blind of man's voracity.

Blackened bliss awaits me
Beyond this flaming sea
Which enshrouds me here upon my stay

Through ground glass and salt
My feet it seems I cannot halt
From this pyrrhic path which is my way


No hemlock for the sake of ruth
To save me from the bitter truth
These flames I was born and bound to swim

Slowly comes into my mind
Perhaps this is the final time
And I shall spy at last the ferryman's grin


It's not that other shores don't call
Though short I always seem to fall
And that sacred harbor still lies beyond my reach

For no matter how I row or tack
The waves thwart my desired track
And the tide returns me to this bone-strewn beach


Is there some tribute in the trying
Some catharsis gained by crying
Which validates these monuments to my futility

Does a life though it be wasted
Have merit for what it's tasted
Or is all reduced to frenzied foam upon the sea


I would dearly love to know this
Ere I taste that precious final kiss
Did I miss the point or was there here some gleaning

For in these lines upon my face
I can find not a single trace
To tell that within my life there was real meaning


Raymond J. Carter
07/04/07

Some distance from the darkness
I turn back a curious eye
I recall the fate of Lot's wife
But there's no fire in the sky

A valley lake from the mountainside
It seems to me so small
Though I know I swam those waters
The despair I can't recall

Perhaps it's for the best
A peak lies ahead of me
And beyond it other valleys
Whose pools I cannot see

If the water did not evaporate
Then so heavy would be my soul
That I would surely drown
And never see my goal

Still it puzzles my imagination
That when I look back I see
The sun's light upon the water
With a shadow cast by me


Raymond J. Carter
03/22/99

Take this cup from me
And the poisoned blood therein
I have no wish to taste more
I've paid for all that sin

Take this cross from me
Of memory and guilt
It chokes my every breath
Like some river bottom silt

Unpin me from that wall
Like some butterfly from afar
For I do not belong there
I survived the killing jar

Take the lash from my own hand
And let the flesh of memory heal
Let me now caress my soul
With equally ardent zeal

Let me find and heal the child
Who suffered from such maiming
For buried in myself there
Is so much that needs reclaiming


Raymond J. Carter
07/17/01

The calendar confirms the day
So why it is I just can't say
That this Saturday seems so Sunday blue

Today my thoughts all stray
And somehow wend their way
To the place where I keep memories of you


The taste and touch of your lips
The feel of my heart as it skips
Share space with each hurtful word and deed

The anger and the betrayal
Which carved like jagged Braille
These fingers which no longer seem to bleed


From your face lit with a happy smile
To the drive along that final mile
To the place where I would without you dwell

All the joys and pain
Clinging to me like the rain
Yet each as welcome as though we never fell


Whatever anniversary lost to time
Conjures in me this bit of rhyme
Seems to lie far beyond my ability to recall

If tomorrow brings more clarity
I shall look on it as charity
To know why it was this day it chose to fall


And should tomorrow no closer bring
My understanding for memory's sting
I doubt that for it I shall find in me much ire

For the love which we once shared
I have no doubt that we both cared
So I will bless the ashes for their memory of the fire



Raymond J. Carter
03/10/07

The razor's edge has cut me
I will not survive this letting
All other options are closed to me
And there can be no forgetting

My hands and feet are bloody
And my head so tired of trying
My passion lost like water in sand
Tells me it's time for dying

Smith & Wesson beats four aces
So I've a winning hand at last
Six of a kind all wild cards
As the Joker in the lead is cast

Like Booth I will exit stage left
To find redemption in the final act
The hangman though cheated cannot lose
His eventual trump is a fact

Now as I go the bell invites me
To kill the king like brave MacBeth
Driven by fate to be untimely ripped
And find release in the arms of death


Raymond J. Carter
08/15/06

The young man in the photo
Holds in his arms a cat
A cat he obviously loves
And I can understand that

But between the day in the photo
And the act of siring me
Something happened to this young man
Some horrible thing I cannot see

Somewhere in those twelve years
His soul was crushed or maimed
To the point where he'd love no one
Not even the children he named

What killed that young cat lover
And left instead in his place
A creature who could do the things
That young man could never face

A violently raging alcoholic
Who beat his wife and raped his kids
Who crushed and maimed their souls
Just as something once did his

I do not understand it
Yet I grieve for that young man
Someone I have never known
And know I never can


Raymond J. Carter
02/10/03

With Crow upon my shoulder
I descend through the roots of a tree
I enter the realm below this world
To a space set aside for me

The Giant Redwood in which I stand
Spans the gulf between earth and sky
I may descend its vine-wrapped trunk
Or I can step out into the air and fly

At the tree's base lies a circle of water
Its depths as clear as a mountain spring
Which though its width is ever changing
Remains about the tree in a ring

My view from the tree is North
To the west lies a crescent mound
Its arms embrace the waters edge
Its construction aesthetic and sound

An entrance lies at the bow of the crescent
The arch formed by slabs of giant stone
Three steps descend to a wooden door
And I am welcomed for this is my home

A yellow dandelion and a Redwood leaf
I carry into my home like treasure
To this Crow adds a silver circlet
The worth of which I cannot measure

Within the door lies a brown tabby cat
An old friend, come to sleep on my floor
At first I do not recognize him
And me he seems content to ignore

The lodge inside the mound is lit
By skylights unseen from above
Casting their spots of sunshine within
Adding light and warmth and love

All too soon the drum is calling
Saying I must go back the way I came
I know I will return to this sacred place
Always changing yet ever the same


Raymond J. Carter
12/17/03

This one I like especially, Ray!

This Mystery



The veil is very thin around this space,
Between this world and ones that others fear to share--
The ones your parents told you were all make-believe
But actually throb thriving more than This One Here

And try as though I may, my feet will not embrace
The ground beneath my shoes; they think it's fairer where
The air is thin as ether and my heels sprout wings
Flitting upward through the boundary, the stratosphere

O I love
How I love
Yes I love





this Mystery





























Nancy e. Pearsall
(c) 2007